Kinda Smelling a Fart

Partly because I can’t smell, but mostly because I’m gross and find farts humorous, Greg and I let the gas fly freely in our household.  While folding laundry together the other night, Greg let a particularly stinky one rip.  With each disgusted face he made, I laughed harder and harder.  It’s always awesome for me to watch others suffer through horrid smells, and this time was especially funny because Greg did it to himself.  He took a few steps toward me in anticipation for tickling revenge, and as he did, I inhaled, and suddenly choked on a burning sensation in the back of my throat.  I let out a soft cough, thinking I must have had a weird tickle or spur of allergies over some dust microbe.  That’s when Greg went back to his side of the bed to fold and said something to the effect of, “Oh god it burns.”  I paused over the wonder and realization of me actually experiencing a fart, so I promptly asked him, “Do farts really burn?  Like, can you actually feel a burning sensation in the back of your throat?”  To which he responded with his this-is-common-sense tone, “Yeah.  It’s methane gas.”

I must have asked him three times to clarify exactly how it feels, because I couldn’t believe that I may have actually experienced a real fart, but it’s true.  I was ecstatic!  I quickly walked into his fart zone in the hopes of feeling the burning sensation again, but a few deep breaths later, I knew it wasn’t going to happen.  Smells are fleeting with me, and usually entail less smelling and more tingling in my nose, tastes on my tongue, or currently, a burn in my throat.  However, that didn’t dampen the initial joy of actually semi-smelling a fart.

As grossed out as I’m sure most of you are by this point (if any of you are still reading), I’ve been trying to smell farts my whole life!  In high school, my cousin would let a good one out on her mattress while we sat on her bed doing homework, and I’d immediately rush up, plant my nose firmly into the bed, and hope that I’d smell her alleged rose-scented farts.  For all I know, her farts really did smell like a beautiful rose garden, so I totally back her on that claim.

I am so intrigued with smells, and it’s so incredibly difficult for those around me to explain what they’re like.  So please, those of you that read and are good with words, I beg of you to attempt to explain to me the smell of farts.  Or just share a good fart story if you want.  Your grossness is accepted here.

My idol, Jenny The Bloggess Lawson, attempted to explain to me what blood smells like, and I was thrilled!  Think she nailed it?

 

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10 thoughts on “Kinda Smelling a Fart

  1. I’d back up Jenny’s take on the smell of blood.

    As for farts, I happen to be quite a gas factory, myself. Sometimes it’s funny, but sometimes it’s really bad. In our household, farts often take on a hint of what inspired them, like broccoli or greasy french fries. The really bad ones stink of rotten eggs and actually smell thick and warm – it’s extremely disgusting. The ones that linger are the worst of all because you can’t escape them, especially when you’re walking through a public place and they trail you…like all the way up the escalator. I swear, people may have died in our wake. I’ve never run TOWARD one to see if it burned, but I don’t doubt some do. The best are the super loud, horn ones that surprise everybody and have no odor at all. Those are fun.

    I’d like to go ahead and make myself anonymous now that it’s too late.

    • That was great!! And good thing you’re not anonymous, ’cause I have many friends and family that share our shamelessness of farts, so they will appreciate your words.

      I’ve heard the rotten eggs thing before, but thick and warm is a new one, and something I can actually imagine, so thank you for that. It sounds absolutely horrible and hilarious at the same time!

      I was cracking up about the escalator! That’s one of the greatest things I’ve ever heard! 🙂 Though I’ve been told that some farts can follow you, I, of course, never know. So when I let one out in a store (the classy girl that I am) I usually try to keep walking in the hopes that I left it where I deposited it.

      Thanks so much for sharing! I ❤ you more than ever!

    • Blah! I’ve only had a taste of liver once in my life, and I was too concerned with the film it was leaving in my mouth to actually taste it. I’d say I’d give it a shot for the sake of knowing what blood smells like, but eating liver to me is like you explaining farts. Barf!

  2. Hehe, so happy I’m not the only other disgusting person out there that derives sick pleasure from “blowing up” my boyfriend. The bigger the resulting histrionics, the more successful and fulfilled I feel.
    How to imagine the worst fart: I think the thick and warm description is accurate. Cloying would be another word. And it makes you envision piles of mucky poo. Like, think of a wet, overcrowded animal pen.

    • I knew there were other grossos out there! I can totally imagine the heaviness in the air of an animal pen filled with poo. I never knew there were so many layers to farts!

  3. OK many years ago, I use to work w/ my brother and we had to do shows and many were in DC.We were coming down the elevator and I let out a rather loud and smelly fart. When the doors opened, I saw the look on the faces of the people waiting for the elevator and since my bro let me go first they all thought he did it. I agree with thick and hot. Erica,I know you want to smell, but to smell Greg’s gas is not something I would wish for you.

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