I’m Schalz, Y’alls!

I spent a week over the Thanksgiving holiday in South Carolina, visiting Greg’s parents.  We had a really nice time, which concluded with me seeing his mom’s foot doctor so I could get a second opinion on my ankle.  The doc told me I’m deformed and possibly have bursitis, but I’m not going to get into that today.  What I am going to talk about is the fact that the doctor’s office gave me a new Southern name!

When I was finished with my exam, I was printed out a very thorough and extensive note to take back to my original doctor.  I was very impressed with the information provided in the note, but my eyes were immediately drawn to the awesome spelling of my last name.  Schalz was a new one for me, and I was giddy over how effortlessly Southern it sounded as it rolled off my tongue: sh-ah-lz.

I’m totally okay with my new last name, but it’s so not cool to age a woman.  I’m 31, y’all!

I’m totally okay with my new last name, but it’s so not cool to age a woman. I’m 31, y’all!

Having a German last name with a vowel that doesn’t follow the traditional short or long sound, and consonants that are never, ever combined together in common English, my surname of Schatz has been butchered for me my entire life.  It is pronounced shots, which has recently made LMFAO’s “Shots” my personal theme song.  But to get back to my point, I’ve been called anything ranging from Schwartz to Schultz, and my personal favorite: Shats.  As in, the past tense, plural or possessive form of shits.  (And by favorite, I mean that I cringe every time I hear it.)  My poor, beautiful last name, which German natives envy due to its use as a term of endearment in Germany, very often gets reduced to the act of pooping.

My favorite twist of my last name, however, is Schatzy.  For some reason, those that know the correct pronunciation, like to add that cute little “y” at the end for a fun nickname.  When I was a senior in high school, and my brother Robert was a freshman, he gained the nickname Schatzy from his baseball team.  For the rest of my senior year, I was known as “Schatzy’s Sister.”  Despite attending that school for four years, and only gaining recognition due to my little, freshmanbrother, I liked it.  Ten years later, it made me happy when one of my co-workers took it upon himself to call me Schatzy.  Take that, Robert!  They knew you as Schatzy’s Brother!

Regardless of having various versions of my last name presented to me, it’s been a source of entertainment my entire life.  Just when I think I’ve heard it all, something like Schalz shows up to prove me wrong.


6 thoughts on “I’m Schalz, Y’alls!

  1. I’m afraid even we are guilty of missaying your last name. But we are sure we did spell it for them. So glad you like your new southern name. I think the only cure is to marry someone with a plain, uninteresting name. That is one of the reasons I married Jim, for his short name. Didn’t think my maiden name was cool, Schulenburg. I was in Fudruckers once and at that time you had to give them a first name. Well I have a pretty common name and there is even a state with the same name. I felt if I gave her my nick she would get it wrong so I told her Virginia, spelled like the state. I got back to my seat to wait for my meal and looked at the ticket and almost died. The name she had put there was Vagina. I went to the manager and he said he would speak to the gal. How was I going to get my food. I stood right where they call you and figured if I recogonized my food I’ll just grab it. When I saw the caller lood at the name she laugh and had not intention of calling it. I said is it this and she smiled and with no saying of that name I got my food.

  2. You’re right, I hadn’t realized what your name means over in my neck of the woods… in fact, your name is the first (and only) German term of endearment I ever called my dog, Murphy. Mein Schatz 🙂 My treasure. We’re totally meant to be friends 🙂

    Oh, and sorry about all the poop.

    • Awww, that’s so cute that you call Murphy, Mein Schatz! It wasn’t until college, when I became friends with a German guy studying abroad that I learned my name was used in that manner. When I found out, I thought it was so neat! And yes, we have a German, farting, Lawsbian magnet that’s totally drawing us together! So glad we’re friends!

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